Godzilla

Yes, Godzilla is alive.  Well, Netflix brought him back to life for my 6 year old son, Jayden.  As I'm typing this, he's watching Godzilla's Revenge.  He said he plans to watch the Godzilla cartoons tomorrow.  I grew up loving all the monster movies that came on our local (I think it was local) TV station.  Channel 48 had Creature Double Feature every Saturday afternoon.  It was great on rainy days when it's too icky outside to play kickball.

I personally loved the little twins from Mothra's island, the creature from the black lagoon that I never figured out what he was supposed to be, all Alfred Hitchcock's birds, and a zillion others.  These were fabulous movies for me.  My mind and heart are too sensitive for Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  I cry, I have nightmares and genuinely freak myself out.  My Jayden is the exact same way.

And for that reason, I need to stop typing and get back to Godzilla.  I don't want him breathing down my neck......fire breathing dragon might burn the back of my hair off right before we go on vacation....can't have that.  LOL

See Ya L8r Allig8or

Physical Fitness? Hmmmm. Mental Fitness 1st

I'm definitely one of those people that struggles with my wait issues.  I can't wait to eat.  I can't wait to drink.  I can't wait to find the newest excuse not to workout.  I need to start my workout program on a Sunday, January 1 of the new year.  Tuesday's or Thursday's just won't do.  I have tons and loads of excuses.

I don't have the right type of clothing.  I need new sneakers.  My socks don't match.  I don't have a headband and sweat could drip right into my eye.  My period is due, my period is here, my period just left. I'll start in the spring to get ready for summer.  I'll start in the autumn so I'll be good for spring.  I can't start around the holidays.....oh wait, I'll miss out on all that good food.

The mental struggle is me finding ways to not do what should be most important - healthy living.  I'm really hoping that some upcoming projects I'm getting involved in will help me use these things I really need/want to do as a way to keep some of my focus on myself.  I want to workout.  I want to eat right.  I want to meditate.  I want to be on a routine.

Step #1 - I set my alarm clock just now for 5am tomorrow morning.  It's not a Sunday.  It's not January.  It's not the beginning of anything.  Oh wait......maybe there's a phat me waiting for the fat me to get the hell out of the way.  LOL.

G'Night My Loves.....MUAH!

Before & After Pictures - They Might Be Fake? What? Really?

I saw this story about Before and After Pictures in the fitness industry being bogus. Shocking, right? NOT!

Obviously I'm not bashing the fitness industry as a whole, there are lots of companies and people that really do care. I even have friends that sell these products. But I never see that much in the way of "hey, just eat these normal every day things from your local farmers market" or "do these exercises where you need no equipment or DVDs" ......it's always buy this shake, this vitamin, this supplement, this DVD, this set of weights, this book.

See? All this craziness in the fitness world.....this is why I'm so iffy on purchasing anything. I haven't personally met one person that has stuck with a weight loss program that I have seen for sale and never gained the weight back. I know it's an ongoing battle and struggle. I get that. I'm simply refusing to spend money on it anymore. I'm only losing weight in my wallet, not my big butt. I wish everyone the best and I'm not telling anyone else what to do......we all need support with this battle.

 But I need to do what I need for myself. This is about me and my battle, not the fitness industry and their wanting my money. Do they really care if I lose weight or if I just buy the newest thing?  No, what I need is a support system or a buddy.  A team of people that will do this on a daily basis with me and be serious about it every day.  A buddy that will let me push them as they are pushing me too.  Anyone want to apply for that job?  LOL.

I will continue to do the things I have found that work for me......I'm not buying anything else. No other products. I need to stick with all the things I have already bought and paid for that are still in wrappers or buried under dust. The biggest thing is just taking the time. Maybe the best thing I could purchase is an hour of my own time each day. ???? Hmmmmmm, why did that just sound like my own Ah Ha moment?

The Secret Crush(es)

As a very married woman, it's so fun to have a crush on someone that's not my husband. And I don't mean the normal Channing Tatum variety. LOL. There are so many hot guys I get to see and interact with that are all a little bit special to me.

The Fed Ex guy that delivers to my job. He's not the most attractive guy, but every single time he comes in, he let's me know he thinks I'm beautiful. He compliments my clothing, my hair, my eyes. He never misses an opportunity to give me some sort of compliment.

The meter reader that comes in my house to read the meter smells like a dream. It doesn't matter what time he comes, the man smells like he just stepped out of the shower and is heading out for a night on the town.

The twitter account that sends all the romantic and sweet tweets. I don't know if it's a guy or not but in my head those are all direct messages to me. LOL.

It's so much fun to have these little crushes and still totally be hot for my husband. It's great to have a solid relationship where fun is part of daily life. There are a few more crushes, but a girl gets to keep some things to herself.

My Own Image

If you’ve bothered to see my profile, you may have seen what I look like. It’s trying to be realistic with everything, especially things about myself. I tend to shop for compliments from others for various reasons. I think where I believe my reflection is ok, it should be better than ok. Maybe that’s why I don’t try harder to lose the weight, keep my hair done, etc. If all that was done and I was still only ok.....where do I move from here?

It’s really hard to be 42. I’m having a tough time accepting that I will never get my old body back. I’ve had children, I’ve eaten way too many cupcakes and don’t come from a family with the best physical appearances hanging from our branches. I’ve got things going on inside me that don’t make sense. Hot flashes.....doctor says I’m not even close to menopause. Eczema on my feet......not much can be done. Hair thinning out on my head but starting anew on my chin......just part of aging.

Maybe the best we can do is to find out who we want to be and strive for it. But to know in our heart of hearts, it’s still only going to take us so far. We should have enjoyed our youth more. LOL, I think I enjoyed mine a little too much since I don’t remember a whole heck of a lot. Here’s my advice to myself.......

I really do need to find a way to improve who I am and what I am; while accepting that I am what I am until then.

Nerves of Marshmallow

So I submitted a video to work with a tv show today. I'm sort of torn between "Can I do this?" and "I can do this!" I applied a few months ago and actually had forgotten it. Not for any reason other than I never expected a return call. I really would like to do this.....but it's such a big deal. I don't know that I'd be able to handle the nasty things that could come with it. Or even the great things. lol. I know in the end this is probably my most confusing post to date. But I promise, when the time is right......I'll let you in on my secret. Of course, by that time, it may not be a secret anymore. LOL. I have a big mouth.

On to the nerves of marshmallow.....that title should say steel, huh? That's not me. I'm always a bundle of nerves but I mask it with giggles, smiles, and chattiness. There have been many, many times where I thought I would pass out from being so excited and nervous. It's one of those feelings that leaves you not quite sure how to follow through. I notice I also feel like it's a sign of weakness. If I'm not in control, then what do I have? As I'm getting older, it's becoming more interesting to watch myself and how I react to things. I love to watch things.....but I never used to watch myself.

Now I try to pay closer attention. If I notice myself backing off simply due to marshmallow nerves or being uncertain of something.....I simply reign in those feelings and push on. I'll never know what could be if I keep stepping back at every opportunity.

I took a big step this morning.

I Am Married To That Guy

It's so much fun to watch my husband grow in his career. We've fought about it. We've agonized about it separately and together. We've paid for it emotionally for years. We've had many, many happy times watching it grow, stop, stutter, grow.

I've never been the type of person that had a clear goal for when I grew up. I never said I want to be blah blah and stuck with it. Even now, I'm in school for a career change, but it's really just so I can make better money and work from home to be home for our children.....and be better able to take care of things since my husband's career is taking off even more now.

My husband, Khris, is really the only gifted person I've had the pleasure to watch grow. He's a writer. He has no fear in putting a voice and a pen to any topic. I appreciate that he investigates BEFORE he writes. And while it may not be popular opinions he's giving, they are respected. He has had his work on his blog, in newspapers, magazines, an online magazine and now the top at the moment is his new affiliation with Complex Mag.

I couldn't be more proud of him. It's so cool to know I married so well. He'd never see it the way I do. He's very humble and probably a bit shy. I imagine we'll still battle over his time being stretched and his focus on the job. He'll bend here and there. I'll pickup the slack with the kids and house. We'll meet in the middle. That's what we do. I've met, fallen in love and married the only person I had a chance to succeed with......I am lucky I am married to that guy.

Wanna check him out? www.doandroidsdance.com www.rockthedub.com LOL.....have fun. Tell him I said Hi!!!!! And get off that damn computer.....LOL

Mom's Day 2013

My son, Jayden, is 6 years old. He's definitely the child I've bonded with the most of my three kids. I've often wondered if it's because he's my only son, my last child or the child I had after I matured finally. Whatever the case, he has no idea the power he holds.....I hope not anyway.

He's definitely a cutie and a sweetie. He's eager and nosy and adventurous. He wants to learn and he wants to know everything.

Boy, can he irk a nerve!!!!

Today, he's outside playing with a little boy that lives next door. I'm watching him from the window and he has no idea how much I'm bursting with love. No idea that right now, I'm nearly in tears with a depth of love I don't even understand. It's all part of being a mom. My other two babies are 23 and 21. My girls. Tika is sweet and silly beyond recognition. lol. She's always in her own world but looks for crazy side of everything.

Speaking of crazy.....my daughter, Kali, is the challenging one. She's hardheaded, overly opinionated and won't listen to anyone. She's just like me. LOL. She's currently doing everything she can to show how independent she is.....unfortunately, it always backfires. She's a great person, but I don't think she sees how great she is.

My biggest wish for Mother's Day isn't a material gift......I actually don't have a wish. My children are healthy and doing their own thing in a world where that's not always an easy thing. I'm proud of who they are and my part in creating that. I'm also proud of who I am and their part in creating that, too.

Happy Mother's Day.

My Hair....Cut, Not Cut, Grow, Not Grow...AAAHHH

Every year right around my birthday I get into my "I must fix it" mode. My hair will be longer, in need of a trim, and constantly in a ponytail. Do I get it cut? Yes, it's so cute, it compliments my face so much better. No, it's too much daily work....no easy ponytail and I have to wash it daily. OK, I'll let it grow longer. Nope, it's being lazy and I'm older so I should keep it shorter like us older ladies are supposed to do.

See? I drive myself nuts. LOL.

Right now, I'm looking back thru old pics and realizing I do look better with the shorter hair. And the highlights. Part of that is just being lazy and cheap. I hate the maintenance. Time to suck it up and get it done.....the long hair is weighing me down. lol. And I don't need any other help with adding to my weight.

I think I'll be trying to do the highlights on my own this time. I can't see paying $100 for that crap.....and it looks nice, but not any nicer than I can do on my own at home. I just need to make sure I'm clearing a few minutes in the mornings to wash and blow it dry......damn I'm lazy. LOL.

The Trash

Why do people throw their garbage on the ground?

I'm tempted to not type anything else for this post. It completely pisses me off on a daily basis that I have to pick up trash from in front of my house. My household doesn't hang out in front of the house but there are always tons of potato chip bags, cigarette butts, blunt tips, hug juice containers, soda cans, etc out on the sidewalk. WTF!!!!!

The sad part is I know the people that do this and their houses already look like shit, so why are you not just keeping that garbage confined to your home? Why fuck up my stuff? Dirty bastards.

My kids know the rules.....if you are outside and have trash you have two options.....look for a trash can or stuff it in your pocket. That's it. Why is it so hard for people to know this is wrong? And I don't want to hear about any crap that it was the way you were raised, the type of neighborhood you're in, etc. That mentality is garbage and you know it. That's just laziness.

Philadelphia's Mayor Nutter had to make a concerted effort in their city to combat this situation. Why? Can you imagine having to spend tax money on telling people not to throw their trash on the ground? This is just one of the dumbest conversations to have with supposedly grown ass people.

Here's my message:

If you throw trash on the ground you are a fucking dirty, disgusting, nasty, excuse for a person with no real values and no thought of anyone but yourself. Pig!

Newton ~ The Parents

The shootings in Newton, CT began yesterday for the babies that were lost. I know we thing about the big moments those parents have lost out having with those children. But so many small moments already happened, and these make me cry. These babies were taken on a Friday. Imagine NOT waking up Saturday morning to cartoons and demands for cereal. Did they have plans to go to the museum that afternoon? Pizza that night? Movies after church on Sunday? Imagine seeing your child's bed time come up on the clock and knowing they weren't there to put to bed tonight?

You open a cabinet in the kitchen to make some tea. You are so stressed out from grief and just want a cup of tea. You open that door and see hot cocoa with the lil marshmallows that your baby wanted and begged for the last time you went to the store. You take out a mug and it's right next to the mug with Spongebob on it. You start to wonder when are you supposed to throw out that mug? Can you throw out that mug? Is it sick to keep it? How do I put any of their things in a trash bag and toss it onto a curb next to old leftovers?

These parents are going thru so much grief and tons of emotions I hope I never have to go thru.

Ann Curry of NBC is asking the world to do 20 Acts of Kindness in memory of these children. I've already seen people posting things on Facebook and Twitter telling of the things they are doing. I really wish Act #1 would have come from someone that knew of the shooter's situation and had called authorities. Then Ann Curry wouldn't have to ask people to do things they should already be doing.