Editorial: Where Are The Children?

Yesterday, I saw an ABC News piece regarding thousands of missing schoolchildren.  When the country had to move to remote learning, many children simply never logged on.  NOW, schools are claiming that they're doubling down to get these children back to school as many of our nation's schools are back in the classroom.  We don't need to review all of this.  There are dozens of reasons why these children aren't back in school.  

With return to in-person learning, thousands of students still 'missing' from schools

School officials say there are still thousands of students unaccounted for.

Lack of internet, lack of a support system, no computer at home, parents/guardians that don't know how to handle the remote learning, parents/guardians that don't fucking care, etc.  Here's my fear.  Are they alive and healthy?  

These children are hopefully known by someone.  Someone somewhere knows about every child.  If you haven't seen a child...........inquire.  Ask about them.  Reach out to the parents/guardians.  If you can't or are in a position that you don't want to ask, call DYFS or whatever entity is in your area.  Ask for a well visit.  

THEN FOLLOW UP!!!! For weeks, for months.  Whatever it takes.  

My fear is that some of these children are being abused and neglected, maybe even killed.  Do the right thing, look out and look after our children.  On the State Child Welfare Agency website, you can find the contact information for all 50 states to the agencies you should contact if there is a child you can't be sure is safe and sound.  Here is the link to the State Child Welfare Agency Websites.  

How Not To Raise a Daughter

After nearly 24 years of being a mom, I think I have more advice on what not to do when raising a daughter than what should be done.  According to my daughter, K, I did a really bad job.  I didn't force her into a seated position to make her do her homework.  I didn't punish her often enough.  I didn't teach her how to be an adult.  I didn't.  I didn't.  I didn't.

I also don't recall teaching her to be in debt, or do everything in her power to be borderline homeless, how to excessive amounts of tattoos, how to overly dramatic, how to drop out of college twice, etc.  I didn't.  I didn't.  I didn't.  

Maybe I was too lenient.  Maybe I should have done all those things.  But I learned I am a person of extremes.  If I had forced her into that seated position......she very well might still be sitting there.  She's a good person, don't get me wrong.  But as with most parents, I wanted her to be better than me at her age.  I'm hopeful she'll turn things around this time.

I guess my biggest challenge with her now is how to be a mom to an adult that wants a mom but doesn't want me to "mom" her.  Hmmmmm.  The foots seriously about to come down.  But again, I'm that person of extremes.......if my foot comes down, it'll probably boot her out the door before she's ready again.  I'm signing she and I up for a budgeting class to take together.  I'm hoping we can learn from the class and each other in a way that is more constructive for the both of us.

It would be really nice for her to remember that her mom never gave up on her.  I didn't.  I didn't.  I didn't.  

Newton ~ The Parents

The shootings in Newton, CT began yesterday for the babies that were lost. I know we thing about the big moments those parents have lost out having with those children. But so many small moments already happened, and these make me cry. These babies were taken on a Friday. Imagine NOT waking up Saturday morning to cartoons and demands for cereal. Did they have plans to go to the museum that afternoon? Pizza that night? Movies after church on Sunday? Imagine seeing your child's bed time come up on the clock and knowing they weren't there to put to bed tonight?

You open a cabinet in the kitchen to make some tea. You are so stressed out from grief and just want a cup of tea. You open that door and see hot cocoa with the lil marshmallows that your baby wanted and begged for the last time you went to the store. You take out a mug and it's right next to the mug with Spongebob on it. You start to wonder when are you supposed to throw out that mug? Can you throw out that mug? Is it sick to keep it? How do I put any of their things in a trash bag and toss it onto a curb next to old leftovers?

These parents are going thru so much grief and tons of emotions I hope I never have to go thru.

Ann Curry of NBC is asking the world to do 20 Acts of Kindness in memory of these children. I've already seen people posting things on Facebook and Twitter telling of the things they are doing. I really wish Act #1 would have come from someone that knew of the shooter's situation and had called authorities. Then Ann Curry wouldn't have to ask people to do things they should already be doing.

The Healthy Life Style (Don't stick your tongue at me)

Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Bob Harper, Kelly Ripa - these are just a few of the people that say all the time to lead a healthy life style to stay fit and active. I just don't know how to do this, where to start, how to get my family on board, and where in the hell do I find the time that doesn't include missing out on time my babies need from me, my job, my husband (who completely comes in last place....he's my rock) and not to mention adult time stuff like paying bills, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I know realistically it's a matter of juggling the time and MAKING it happen. But when I'm being pulled in so many directions but using this body that can't quite keep up like it used to, it's really hard to start and keep it going no matter how good for me I know it's supposed to be. I just wind up stopping as many times as I start. Maybe a daily diary is an option, I heard this from a trainer.....Are you fucking kidding me? I can't find the time to dedicate to working out and now you not only want me to find the time for the workout but to write too? Oh, wait a second.....I'm writing right now, huh? OK, tonight before I put head to pillow, this is going into my iphone to help me set up reminders.....and the first one is to put the iphone across the bedroom so when my alarm goes off at 5am, I'll have to get out of bed to answer. Good Night World.

Christmas - Update on Shopping

I’m nearly done now. I’ve completed my shopping for my MIL, her sisters and their grandchildren. Just have to shop for a few relatives that I never see. That’s actually the more difficult to do. What do you get for someone you are related to but never see? You really have no idea what holds this person’s interest, and even worse, you don’t care to know except for when you are looking for gift ideas. It’s not to sound like I dislike any of these people. They are actually great people…..fun….loving…..devoted family. But we all have our own lives and we don’t spend much time together.

My daughter’s were probably the easiest ones to buy for. They are 21 and 20 so electronics or clothes. We went for the electronics. Two flat screen tv/dvd combos with new Roku players. We did get them a few of those dvd packs that come with 3 or 4 movies in one pack. My oldest loves the Batman movies and we found all four movies in one packet for like $13 at Walmart. My youngest daughter is more like me……got her Sixteen Candles (yes, that old movie) and her eye candy Vin Diesel in the original Fast & The Furious. LOL

My husband is a man that is nearly perfect (for me). So he is getting a Kindle Fire, which actually just shipped out today and should be delivered tomorrow. He unfortunately knows about his gift already and is anxiously awaiting the time to get his hands on it. He is really excited. Makes the $200 (nearly) worth it.

Now my mother in law is someone I feel I know really well. (UGH) But she is still really difficult to buy for because she has snooty tastes in everything. For instances, she loves wine. Drinks it all the time, but really doesn’t know much about it as far as I can tell. So a few years back we bought her a wine refrigerator and wines. She never uses it. We bought her Lenox African American figurines that we wanted. Very expensive. Only to find out that in her will, she will be giving these items to her nieces and not her grandchildren. Oh and how she loves Chinese and Japanese food…..bought her a wok and really gorgeous plate services to share with herself and her ‘boyfriend’. Never used any of it. LOL

So why do I spend so much time going through this every year? I love the challenge of it. Every year at least one person comes to us and lets us know how much they loved their gift. That makes me happy.

Christmas Is Coming - Day #1

This morning started out like any normal Monday. Rush – Rush – Rush. I didn’t really relax until my reminder to start my Christmas shopping popped up on my Google Calendar. Starting with the kids is the most fun and the easiest part to do. I should probably save it for last, but I always worry about not getting them fun gifts……I’d hate to get them just left over stuff they didn’t want.

For cute, but inexpensive toys, I really like www.lakeside.com. Many items do not have any sort of quality in the packaging. But that is easily remedied with gift wrap and holiday decorations. They are also one of my sources for Christmas décor for my home. Items are very reasonably pricing, shipping coupons are often available.

I really hate to be predictable when it comes to giving gifts. I try to stay clear of the gift cards, anything pre-wrapped, etc. It looks like what it is…..you didn’t take any time to just picture this person in your mind for a moment and consider what they might appreciate. For adults, I am a firm believer in www.eBay.com. Because of the search tool, I can take someone’s name, favorite color, favorite animal, anything I know about that person can go into the search tool. Different things pop up, it’s actually fun to toss a name in there and see what might come up that can even be personalized.

I typed in my youngest daughter’s name a few years ago and found out there was an entire series of fairytales starring a main character using her name. The greatest part of this was that she has such an odd name, it’s always been difficult to find anything with her name. She still has the books, and tells me she plans to pass them down to her children.

So today is just day one…..we’ll see how all this progresses. If you promise not to tell, I’ll post each gift, price and picture. I’m hoping to run a few searches on more hands on and homemade gifts…..I love a project!!!!

Mothers, Children

You know, the more I get to know my own mother and MIL, the more I pray that I will be smart enough to keep a healthy relationship with my own children and their spouses/children. I've gotten to a point in my life that I can see so many mistakes that I've made and have gotten ok with admitting those mistakes. I know it's important to people you've wronged that you just admit the wrong and apologize for it. Where my own growth seems to stop is in expecting others to do the same, and not being able to get passed there lack of acknowledgement in hurting me or others close to my heart.

There are so many times that I've seen truly horrendous things that no child should have seen. Some of the things my parents have they had done in front of us as children were extremely wrong. We saw way too much as children, things my adult children still haven't seen. When I brought this up to my parents, just to see where their opinions were now at a more mature age, they laugh it off like it was funny. The way we grew up would have been a situation that we would have been taken from the home had it been reported. There was a lot of drugs, sex and crime in our childhood.

My mother in law, has issues with her son (my husband) that she will refuse to acknowledge. I won't get into that on my blog, because those are not my memories.....they are his.

The point is that I've made numerous mistakes with my children. We all do. But there is a point when your mistakes have crossed a line. Where your actions are only for yourself REGARDLESS of the repercussions to your children. I made mistakes in my early twenties, too many boyfriends, too much drinking. I'm lucky that my children were shielded from most of it because much of it went on outside my home. But they are aware of some of it and to be in denial is show lack of respect for their feelings in what I put them through as their mom. It was up to me to show them a happy childhood, it was up to me to give them good (or bad) memories, it was up to me to do right or do wrong.

I've spoken to my children about these things. I've explained and apologized where I messed up. I'm not asking for forgiveness because at this point they've not expressed anger. I wonder if it could be that they may not hold any anger because I've acknowledged my wrongs toward them. I didn't wait for them to request an apology, I gave it because I knew they deserved it.

It's very difficult for me to talk to either of my moms and take anything they say seriously. My own mother came to my home (by my invitation) to celebrate her birthday with a lil family get together. 2 weeks later, when my 4 yr old son's birthday came up, she didn't call or come by. I posted my unhappiness on facebook......I knew my stepdad would see this. The Response? Why didn't you remind us? Three more days past by before I replied......OK, you've been reminded, when are you going to call or come by to wish him a happy birthday? The Response? Why didn't you call us so we could wish him a happy birthday?

Are you fucking kidding me?

I cut the ties once and for all. I say that I am done with the relationship with my mom and stepdad, but I do realize that it will never end. I'll always harbor bad feelings toward them for the lack of concern and understanding in what they stole from our lives as kids. I've moved passed it the only way that I can, I'll not let my children grow up anymore with thinking that it's ok to let people treat you like shit just because they are related to you. I miss my mom, I love the idea of who my mom could be. The reality is a stab in the heart. She has so many issues, and while I know she had a bad childhood herself, why can't she grow up and move on herself. Maybe if she starts this conversation with her own mom, then she and I can have ours.

But I know her well enough to know this - it will never happen. She lives to play the victim.......she's done it for so long she doesn't know anything else.

to be continued......