Healthy Living Update #1

I'm very much still struggling with the snacking and the workouts.  Today, I did my workout (upper body and core) via FitnessBlender.com's free YouTube channel called Kelli's Abs and Upper Body Strength Training Workout - Chest, Back, Arms and Abs Superset Workout.  (I think I just got a mini-workout typing that title.)

Yesterday, I snacked pretty much all day without eating any meals.  I justified it in my mind that I wasn't consuming any other calories so I could do this without hurting my goals.  Lies, lies, lies.

I don't know why I do this.  It's like I'm a child hiding my candy bar in my room.  I hide my eating all the time.  I fight myself from and for snacking daily.  I don't eat my veggies while getting on my kids backs about them not eating healthy. 

For the rest of the day, I will be better.  I will do better than yesterday.

Anyway, today's workout is done.  I even got a badge from my Apple watch for it!  Woo Hoo!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mistakes Push You Forward

July 5, 2018

Last night, I made the mistake of noticing a bruise on my ass that hadn't faded from a week or so ago.  So I thought I'd be cheeky (is ass-cheeky a thing?) and send my husband a cute picture of my ass.  BIG mistake.  I hadn't realized how icky I looked on my ass.  So I did the whole check myself out in the mirror thing.  WTF was I thinking!

The overall quality of my skin, the stretch marks, the fatness.  None of that is appealing.  Now I'm not a screwball so I'm aware that the stretch marks are here to stay and could even get worse during this journey.  But I'd like to be better toned and not have the percentage of body fat I'm currently carrying around.  For someone who hates to carry stuff, you'd think I'd be wanting to carry less around on my body, right? 

My back and ass are in really bad shape.  I knew it but I didn't know it was quite so bad. It was about 10pm at that point so I sat there and thought about it for a bit. I decided to restart again.  I went on to Sparkpeople.com, got myself logged on and set a calendar reminder for this morning to do weight and measurements along with a fitness test.  So here are my new goals. 

Adding in exercise water and vegetables daily.  30 minutes of exercise (might have to break that into sections) 8+ glasses of water and at least 3 veggies since I hardly ever eat any at all.  I feel like that's a good start for me.  Also, I'm going to push myself NOT to snack or eat sugar or salt that's not needed.  We'll see how this goes. 

Today's weight is 201.7 and my ass is 47 inches wide where that bruise is.  Holy fucking smacks!

Fat and Staying Fat

Exactly how I got this big is the typical crap you hear all day.  I had kids, I was over 30, I got married, yada yada yada blah blah blah.  Here’s the real deal…..I ate, I didn’t move, I ate some more and I got fat.  Oh, and I stayed fat.  

I completely know every single thing I need to do to lose weight.  The only thing I can’t figure out is why I don’t do anything with all this knowledge.  Why don’t I get up off the couch and Shake My Groove Thing till I lose some weight?  Why don’t I eat those fruits and veggies each day?  Why don’t I track my daily intake?  Why don’t I drink that water?  For me, I think I found my reason.  

I thought it was laziness.  I thought I needed a new schedule.  I thought I needed inspiration.  Nope.  I am in this alone and I don’t know how to do it alone yet.  I still haven’t figured it out yet but I’m working on it.  My hubby doesn’t have time, my kids are kids.  Hmmmmm, so there’s my dilemma.  I need to work on this one.  I’ll get back to you if I figure out an answer.  LOL I have no support system of someone helping me change the eating style and to stay motivated and on task. I'm an adult. I shouldn't need help, right? WRONG!!!!

I'll shout it loud and proud.....I need help!!!! I hate being fat. I miss my thin body. I miss the energy. I miss bending to tie my shoes without moving my belly out of the way. I miss running up the stairs. Why can't I love water? Why can't I love broccoli? Why does an Lays potato chips be full of antioxidants? Why? Why? Why? LOL. Oh, drama time is done.

One Year of Goals

One year ago today, I joined a group of really special ladies to help support each other in our goals of weight loss and being healthy.  We wrote down on paper a list of our goals to be reached within the next year.  My list was typical of me.....housework, getting my family more organized, spending more time with kids actually doing things, becoming a better cook, etc.  Here's the list of goals I accomplished.

1. Huh?

Yup, that's right.  I didn't get one single goal completed.  In a freaking year?  Wow.....pretty pitiful, right?  Well, yeah it is.  But I have a reason.  None of those are real goals for me.  I think I have this goal to be Carol Brady but I'm more of a Peggy Bundy.  So today I decided to concentrate on renewing my list to obtainable goals with deadlines.  It'll be a boring day today at work, so I can work and still have my notebook sitting next to me thinking and thinking on how to make it happen.

So goal #1 is to just GET HEALTHY.  What's that mean?  What should I buy?  That means I need to take care of me.  I'm one of the leaders in my home as the parent.....I need to do this.  It means eating better but not going crazy with it.  It means treating my skin better.  It means working out a little and easing into a lot.  It means NOT doing a lot of crazy things like getting more excited that my son when I hear the ice cream truck.  It means taking my vitamins.  It means eating breakfast every day.

I'm actually texting with my hubby right now about helping me get up in the mornings.  I'm a morning person once I get my butt outta the dang bed.  I've come to understand that's one of my major errors every day.  On the days when I get up early, my intent for the day being a healthy one stays with me.  It seems that if I get myself into a healthy pattern, lots of other things will fall into place with that.  Hmmmmm.

Physical Fitness? Hmmmm. Mental Fitness 1st

I'm definitely one of those people that struggles with my wait issues.  I can't wait to eat.  I can't wait to drink.  I can't wait to find the newest excuse not to workout.  I need to start my workout program on a Sunday, January 1 of the new year.  Tuesday's or Thursday's just won't do.  I have tons and loads of excuses.

I don't have the right type of clothing.  I need new sneakers.  My socks don't match.  I don't have a headband and sweat could drip right into my eye.  My period is due, my period is here, my period just left. I'll start in the spring to get ready for summer.  I'll start in the autumn so I'll be good for spring.  I can't start around the holidays.....oh wait, I'll miss out on all that good food.

The mental struggle is me finding ways to not do what should be most important - healthy living.  I'm really hoping that some upcoming projects I'm getting involved in will help me use these things I really need/want to do as a way to keep some of my focus on myself.  I want to workout.  I want to eat right.  I want to meditate.  I want to be on a routine.

Step #1 - I set my alarm clock just now for 5am tomorrow morning.  It's not a Sunday.  It's not January.  It's not the beginning of anything.  Oh wait......maybe there's a phat me waiting for the fat me to get the hell out of the way.  LOL.

G'Night My Loves.....MUAH!

Before & After Pictures - They Might Be Fake? What? Really?

I saw this story about Before and After Pictures in the fitness industry being bogus. Shocking, right? NOT!

Obviously I'm not bashing the fitness industry as a whole, there are lots of companies and people that really do care. I even have friends that sell these products. But I never see that much in the way of "hey, just eat these normal every day things from your local farmers market" or "do these exercises where you need no equipment or DVDs" ......it's always buy this shake, this vitamin, this supplement, this DVD, this set of weights, this book.

See? All this craziness in the fitness world.....this is why I'm so iffy on purchasing anything. I haven't personally met one person that has stuck with a weight loss program that I have seen for sale and never gained the weight back. I know it's an ongoing battle and struggle. I get that. I'm simply refusing to spend money on it anymore. I'm only losing weight in my wallet, not my big butt. I wish everyone the best and I'm not telling anyone else what to do......we all need support with this battle.

 But I need to do what I need for myself. This is about me and my battle, not the fitness industry and their wanting my money. Do they really care if I lose weight or if I just buy the newest thing?  No, what I need is a support system or a buddy.  A team of people that will do this on a daily basis with me and be serious about it every day.  A buddy that will let me push them as they are pushing me too.  Anyone want to apply for that job?  LOL.

I will continue to do the things I have found that work for me......I'm not buying anything else. No other products. I need to stick with all the things I have already bought and paid for that are still in wrappers or buried under dust. The biggest thing is just taking the time. Maybe the best thing I could purchase is an hour of my own time each day. ???? Hmmmmmm, why did that just sound like my own Ah Ha moment?

The Outfit

So I haven't really talked about this with anyone, you're the first to know. I bought an outfit I can't fit into. No, not the dilusional dream where I refuse to acknowledge my real size. I purposely bought something to wear that I can't fit into. I bought a jump suit that is two sizes too small. I've been really doing much better on not eating so much junk food and not eating late at night (at least not every night). But I want to actually see the results. I am scared to death to take one of those before pictures. (do those women wear the same bra and panties in the before AND the after pics....or do they buy them in two different sizes?) So I bought this jumper in a size 12. I am currently a 16 who constently lies and says I'm a 14. Hail Mary.... Anyway, I was going to see if I can wear it and take a before shot, but I could not squeeze my fat ass into it.....and since it didn't come with that drop ass like old fashioned pjs did, I chose not to rip the material. Is it bad that I need to drop weight to squeeze myself in my motivational outfit for a before picture? LOL, oh boy. My hubby says he thinks I'm beautiful. I used to say I wanted to lose the weight for him, but that was a lie. I wanted to lose the weight in reference to other women that might be interested in him or he might look at for more than a second. I now want to lose the weight for me, myself and I. Me, Myself and I each way about 65 lbs, totalling 195lb Anna. I just want Anna to weigh in at 140lb and Anna will be happy. I'm getting into the idea more and more of how to do this, but I realize that making mistakes is bound to happen and you just gotta move forward. ZUMBA TOMORROW AT 5AM. Bed tonight at 9pm.

The Healthy Life Style (Don't stick your tongue at me)

Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Bob Harper, Kelly Ripa - these are just a few of the people that say all the time to lead a healthy life style to stay fit and active. I just don't know how to do this, where to start, how to get my family on board, and where in the hell do I find the time that doesn't include missing out on time my babies need from me, my job, my husband (who completely comes in last place....he's my rock) and not to mention adult time stuff like paying bills, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I know realistically it's a matter of juggling the time and MAKING it happen. But when I'm being pulled in so many directions but using this body that can't quite keep up like it used to, it's really hard to start and keep it going no matter how good for me I know it's supposed to be. I just wind up stopping as many times as I start. Maybe a daily diary is an option, I heard this from a trainer.....Are you fucking kidding me? I can't find the time to dedicate to working out and now you not only want me to find the time for the workout but to write too? Oh, wait a second.....I'm writing right now, huh? OK, tonight before I put head to pillow, this is going into my iphone to help me set up reminders.....and the first one is to put the iphone across the bedroom so when my alarm goes off at 5am, I'll have to get out of bed to answer. Good Night World.

I Screwed It Up - But Not On Purpose

I did not begin my workout on the morning I thought I would. I didn't reset my alarm to get up at 5 instead of 6. Then I got my monthly visit from Aunt Flow, the first since switching from an IUD to the Depo shot. It's very heavy. It surprised me because I wasn't expecting it for another couple of weeks. It's ok, I'm just readjusting to start my new habit on Sunday, hopefully giving myself time to stop cramping so much. If not, I'll just have to work thru it. Supposedly, exercise is good for this. I'd rather it chocolate and potato chips, but hey, that's probably how I got so fat in the first place. But it did give me an idea to really do some research on the way I'd like to start eating and different exercises I'd like to do. There is a new show starting in a couple of weeks - The Revolution on ABC. I'll be watching daily as it's really meant to help people who want to live a happy and healthy lifestyle. That's what I want. So the first thing I learned was to use a home gym that doesn't have to be all expensive and complicated. They used a hula hoop, dumb bells, exercise ball and jump rope. I can afford that and do that too. Now to be perfectly honest, I can't hula hoop to save a life. BBBUUUUTTTTTT, the Nintendo Wii has the balance board game with the hula hoop game on there. I'm gonna do it Saturday (tomorrow), it might help out my cramps. LOL I have dumb bells and the ball, just no jump rope which is ok. I can't picture jumping rope in the house for exercise and then telling my 5 yr old that he can't do it. I'll use my invisible rope. It'll be fine and no noisy rope hitting the floor or tangling up into my legs causing me to fall down, breaking a bone which will force me once again to give up on my workouts. (I'm going to buy one tomorrow). SWAK/ANNA