You're Always Gonna Be A White

To give you a bit of background information so this makes more sense contextually, I grew up knowing VERY well that my maternal grandmother hated the fact that my biological father, Ivan, is Puerto Rican.  She made that very clear with remarks over the years that usually ended with her me that she was really happy I looked like her.  This was very normal and I knew she hated that part of me.  My relationship with my grandmother was not as close as I originally believed.  But then it's difficult to have a relationship with someone that is as judgemental as she tended to be.  

She was a very strong, dominant type of person.  You knew she was in charge of any room she was in.  Not because she was physically aggressive (although she could be) but she just carried herself in a way that felt like she was in charge of the show.  She was very giving, very loving, and really let me know throughout my life that she thought I was special and I knew she loved me.  Her love for me was very evident and she always made sure I knew she loved me.  

I don't really remember my grandmother's exact words but I knew from an early age that she was racist.  She talked negatively about my dad for being a Spic, about my Uncle Eli for being a Jew, about my Aunt Dot for marrying That Jew, about my (Italian) neighbors for being Whops, about my (Asian) neighbors for being Dot Heads.  She often asked why I hung out with black kids instead of only white kids.   

When I was really young, she would play with my hair, compliment my blue eyes and tell me that I would always be a white.  I had always ASSumed she meant racially, I'd always be white.  She said that to me many times throughout my childhood.  It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I found out her maiden last name was White.  All those years were based on her chatter regarding other ethnicities, races, and nationalities........I had mistakenly thought she was calling on me to never forget I was a white person.  Nope, she was telling me that I was her family......a White.  

Actually, as I'm typing that last line............. I'm not sure now.  Did she mean white or White?  Hmmmm

I gained a lot of my strength from her.  I don't know how she felt about me over the last years of her life.  I know I always loved her even though she despised parts of me.  She still loved me in every way a grandmother will love their grandchild.  She never told me to hate anyone.  Never told me to stay away or not be anything other than myself to everyone around me.  She's been gone quite a few years now and I still haven't resolved in my heart how I feel about her.  I loved her and that's a fact.  But looking back I think I don't have respect for her or that I even liked her that much when I have this filter of experience looking at her now.

Having grown up in a world of drug abuse and neglect the way we did, I think you took whatever love you were able to get in the moments you were able to get it.  She loved me and I loved her.  As I got older and had my daughters, she was really very nice to them the few times they were around her.  She did the odd things you hear white folks doing with touching hair and being someone bewildered by them.  But she hugged all over them, kissed them and treated them the same way she did my sister and I.....wiith love.  I often wonder because of her about the various levels to racism.  Some hate, and some are bewildered by the unfamiliar.  I actually do miss her.  She was a fighter of epic proportions and would kick the shit out of anyone........I LOVED THAT ABOUT HER!!!  

I couldn't find any photos of my grandmother.  She was a beautiful woman, I wish you could have seen that as well as know her strengths and not just her weaknesses.  I'll write more about her as I ease into this phase.  I think I'm ready.  

Instead, I'm choosing to link out to the donation site for Black Lives Matter. 

Donate to Black Lives Matter

To (Some) Florida Prosecutors....why?

Here’s the scene.  White man with gun.  Black person with no gun.  Bang Bang.  Black person is dead.  White person goes to jail.  Black person is buried.  White person goes home.  

That just doesn’t quite make any sense does it?  Welcome to Florida!!!!

So why do Florida prosecutors keep charging people with the wrong crime?  Are they unaware they will not get a conviction?  Orrrrrrr, are they completely aware that they will not get a conviction?  Hmmmmmm.  

First degree murder has specific criteria.  It has to be proven to be premeditated, which essentially means that the person committing the crime planned to purposely harm or kill the victim.  It can also mean the person was engaged in a felony crime and happened to have harmed or killed the victim.  Now obviously, George Zimmerman and Michael Dunn did not know their victims prior to killing them (Doesn’t that just sound fucked up) so premeditation is not applicable.  They were committing no felony crime so that brings that over to the null side of the list as well.  

In my own opinion, these prosecutors are quite aware they can’t get a conviction on those first degree murder charges.  However, they are under huge amounts of pressure from the public, the media and mostly definitely the family/friends of the victim.  Are they succumbing to the pressure?  I would sincerely hope not.  That would just be one more check on the list showing they are ill equipped to handle their position.  And don’t get me wrong, it’s not a position or job I would want to have at all.  But if you can’t handle your handle, let it go.  

If you can’t get a conviction, how do you get yourself off the hook with the public, the media and the family/friends of the victim?  You do your job in court, you go before the media and make all sorts of promises to do your best.  

And then when the jury is put into a position of having to follow the rules of the law for first degree murder, they will be in a position of finishing what you couldn’t handle.  They have to find this person not guilty.  And they are subjected to the hostility of everyone.  How could the jury not convict?  Is the jury white?  Was the jury racist?  Was the jury stupid?  

The prosecutors can then go before the media and have a pity party explaining about how hard they worked and that the jury just didn’t see it their way.  BULLSHIT!!!!  

I understand that every victim’s family wants the killer to sit in the electric chair or spend 5 years beyond death in a prison cell.  But the law just doesn’t work that way.  You know it.  Lots of others know it.  Why not explain it and stick to what you can get a conviction on?  Charge the killer for the crime he committed.  It may not look as good to the family, but at the very least, you can sleep with a clear heart that you did your job the way you were supposed to do.  

Why are you making an unpaid, uneducated jury take the blame on your inability to communicate the truth about the cases?    

Tommy Sotomayor - Why Do I Have To Watch This Man? BECAUSE!!!

A while back, I stumbled across a YouTube page for a nice looking guy name Tommy Sotomayor.  He essentially creates videos discussing topics that hold his interest for various reasons.  I've seen people describe him from every angle possible.  And most of those were not too positive.  However, after watching quite a few of his videos, I have become addicted to his whit and his sarcasm, but most especially to his truth.

He slams the shit out of people.  He is harsh.  He is condescending.  He holds back nothing.  And guess what?  He doesn't really lie.  But the biggest point he explains over and over is that these are his viewpoints.  So I'm trying to figure out why people are so upset.  And I think I nailed it.  LOL.

White people get really pissed off when he's slamming the actions of certain white people.  But they are applauding him when he puts certain black people's actions down.  Then he flips the script and puts down the actions of certain black people and vice versa.  People are somewhat ridiculous.  He doesn't put down everyone.  He is very specific to the type of person that he is casting judgement on.

I guess my problem with those people is why are you sitting there watching someone disparage you on purpose.  If you think his opinions are fabricated, why are you giving them your attention?  I know why.  Because you know deep down that at least part of what he is saying describes the things about yourself that you know are full of shit.  It's even more relevant because you're not reading it.....oh no.  He's facing you on your monitor and saying it to your face.  LOL

Here's a link to just a few of Mr. Sotomayor's videos.  Enjoy!!!!  And be nice to him in his comments section.
Tommy Sotomayor TV

Godzilla

Yes, Godzilla is alive.  Well, Netflix brought him back to life for my 6 year old son, Jayden.  As I'm typing this, he's watching Godzilla's Revenge.  He said he plans to watch the Godzilla cartoons tomorrow.  I grew up loving all the monster movies that came on our local (I think it was local) TV station.  Channel 48 had Creature Double Feature every Saturday afternoon.  It was great on rainy days when it's too icky outside to play kickball.

I personally loved the little twins from Mothra's island, the creature from the black lagoon that I never figured out what he was supposed to be, all Alfred Hitchcock's birds, and a zillion others.  These were fabulous movies for me.  My mind and heart are too sensitive for Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  I cry, I have nightmares and genuinely freak myself out.  My Jayden is the exact same way.

And for that reason, I need to stop typing and get back to Godzilla.  I don't want him breathing down my neck......fire breathing dragon might burn the back of my hair off right before we go on vacation....can't have that.  LOL

See Ya L8r Allig8or