SlimPossible 226.7 lbs - May 10, 2020

I'm trying to keep myself positive.  But so many starts and stops on this weight loss journey are upsetting me.  I know exactly what to do except how to get out of my own way.  The only thing I can do is worry about today and plan for tomorrow because I have a dental appointment coming up.  Today is Sunday, May 10 and it's Mother's Day.  I didn't do much today because I let myself have today to do nothing.  I definitely earned this.  I felt guilty about it this afternoon, but that's because I know I could be doing better for myself.  It's about 9pm now and I'm ok with letting myself have an easy day. 

I took these photos below about 3 weeks or so ago.  My weight was 226.7 lbs.  I've lost about 3 lbs since then.  Not a huge loss but at least the scale is going in a direction I'm ok with for the moment.  LOL, I just noticed my face in the forward picture......gee I was a happy camper in that one.  LOL

Tomorrow, I'm going into work a bit early because I have to leave for an emergency dental appointment (cracked tooth ~ aaaggghhhh).  So I will either not be working out tomorrow or if I'm up for it, I'll at least walk home if I make it back to work.  It's kind of up in the air right now.   The worst-case scenario is I'll hit the exercise bike if my head doesn't explode in pain. 

I would normally have my food worked out for tomorrow but again, this is a dental thing so I'm just not quite sure what I should be doing and not doing.  I did work out a few smoothie and protein shake drinks to keep me going in addition to water and my beloved morning coffee.  I guess we'll see how it goes. 

I'll keep you posted......I'm not planning for Tuesday until tomorrow when I see how I'm feeling.  I will do my best to get my 30 minutes of exercise in for the day.  What are your plans for this week? 

My Promise to Me - Can I Keep It This Time?

Tomorrow is Saturday, January 26, 2019.

Today, I'm out of shape, I'm sore, I'm sick, I'm worn out, I'm sluggish.

Tomorrow I'll be all the same things I am today.

Tomorrow I just want to be a step or two closer to NOT being out of shape, sore, sick, worn out and sluggish.  I just got out of the bathtub.  I found out I couldn't really fit it in it.  Getting out was a struggle and I'm in actual pain now from getting myself out of that tub.  I'm way too fat.  I just weighed myself.  222 lbs.

My birthday was this past Monday, Jan 20.  I'm hoping I can use turning 48 at such an unhealthy weight and phase in my life into being the best 50-year-old me I can possibly be.  But I have some other goals I'd like to meet along the way.  In order to get there, I need to make some promises to myself.

This will be my 5 promises to me for every day.  Why?  Because I should be able to do this for myself.  Fuck the world, fuck the family.  I just don't want to be like this anymore.

1.  100 oz of water a day
2.  30 minutes of solid movement
3.  yoga / meditation
4.  eat what I need before I eat what I want
5.  my day planner

Let's see if I can do this.

Goal #1 - I want to be down to 200 lbs by April 30, 2019.  Once I can achieve that goal, we'll set up a new one for 190 lbs.  I ain't religious......but god help me.  LOL

I'm hoping that not just focusing on the weight loss will happen eventually.  But I feel like I'm always in pain and sluggish because of all the weight.  The movement and yoga and eating healthy will undoubtedly improve my overall health.......maybe it'll help with this funk I've been in for the last few months.  I need goals.  I'm listless and tired of myself.  New me, new tomorrow.....blah blah blah.  Fuck that.  I won't spend so much time whining......just get up and do it.......you know.....like Nike says. 

Hungry! Yes! Wait? Am I?

Today is Monday, December 10.  It's my last day at work before my annual layoff.  Typically, I would be planning out my volunteer time which increases a lot over this time frame.  But, I left the leadership role I had in Art All Night - Trenton so I can concentrate on being available more for my son as he started middle school.  It was really the right choice because although he's doing well, he is needing a lot of help. 

This time though, I've decided to concentrate on me.  I want to use this time to see if I can get my weight down and make healthy improvements in my day to day existence.  Today's been pretty good.  I'm the only one at work so I used the time to sneak a work out into my day that wasn't planned.  Then I went for a walk at lunchtime.  I even did a 7-minute mini workout when I got back from that walk. 

(New goal.........skinnier shadow!!)

Now, I just finished lunch (3/4 of a cup of Panera Bread's baked potato soup).  I'm on my 7th cup of water.  And I feel like I'm hungry.  But I don't know if this is really I'm hungry or just I want to graze on something.  Or maybe this is from the walk?  I have no clue.  But I'm pushing through it right now by writing this instead of eating.  LOL, hopefully, this works. 

I'll wait until 3pm to eat the banana I brought for a mid-afternoon snack.  I might sneak a diet coke.....one of my favorite things to have.  I haven't had any soda in about 5 days.  I'm working on a set of specific goals for January and February.  Hoping I can get myself on point.  Realizing that snacking between meals is a big problem for me.  Now..........how do I fix it? 

Fat and Staying Fat

Exactly how I got this big is the typical crap you hear all day.  I had kids, I was over 30, I got married, yada yada yada blah blah blah.  Here’s the real deal…..I ate, I didn’t move, I ate some more and I got fat.  Oh, and I stayed fat.  

I completely know every single thing I need to do to lose weight.  The only thing I can’t figure out is why I don’t do anything with all this knowledge.  Why don’t I get up off the couch and Shake My Groove Thing till I lose some weight?  Why don’t I eat those fruits and veggies each day?  Why don’t I track my daily intake?  Why don’t I drink that water?  For me, I think I found my reason.  

I thought it was laziness.  I thought I needed a new schedule.  I thought I needed inspiration.  Nope.  I am in this alone and I don’t know how to do it alone yet.  I still haven’t figured it out yet but I’m working on it.  My hubby doesn’t have time, my kids are kids.  Hmmmmm, so there’s my dilemma.  I need to work on this one.  I’ll get back to you if I figure out an answer.  LOL I have no support system of someone helping me change the eating style and to stay motivated and on task. I'm an adult. I shouldn't need help, right? WRONG!!!!

I'll shout it loud and proud.....I need help!!!! I hate being fat. I miss my thin body. I miss the energy. I miss bending to tie my shoes without moving my belly out of the way. I miss running up the stairs. Why can't I love water? Why can't I love broccoli? Why does an Lays potato chips be full of antioxidants? Why? Why? Why? LOL. Oh, drama time is done.

I Screwed It Up - But Not On Purpose

I did not begin my workout on the morning I thought I would. I didn't reset my alarm to get up at 5 instead of 6. Then I got my monthly visit from Aunt Flow, the first since switching from an IUD to the Depo shot. It's very heavy. It surprised me because I wasn't expecting it for another couple of weeks. It's ok, I'm just readjusting to start my new habit on Sunday, hopefully giving myself time to stop cramping so much. If not, I'll just have to work thru it. Supposedly, exercise is good for this. I'd rather it chocolate and potato chips, but hey, that's probably how I got so fat in the first place. But it did give me an idea to really do some research on the way I'd like to start eating and different exercises I'd like to do. There is a new show starting in a couple of weeks - The Revolution on ABC. I'll be watching daily as it's really meant to help people who want to live a happy and healthy lifestyle. That's what I want. So the first thing I learned was to use a home gym that doesn't have to be all expensive and complicated. They used a hula hoop, dumb bells, exercise ball and jump rope. I can afford that and do that too. Now to be perfectly honest, I can't hula hoop to save a life. BBBUUUUTTTTTT, the Nintendo Wii has the balance board game with the hula hoop game on there. I'm gonna do it Saturday (tomorrow), it might help out my cramps. LOL I have dumb bells and the ball, just no jump rope which is ok. I can't picture jumping rope in the house for exercise and then telling my 5 yr old that he can't do it. I'll use my invisible rope. It'll be fine and no noisy rope hitting the floor or tangling up into my legs causing me to fall down, breaking a bone which will force me once again to give up on my workouts. (I'm going to buy one tomorrow). SWAK/ANNA