I Am Married To That Guy

It's so much fun to watch my husband grow in his career. We've fought about it. We've agonized about it separately and together. We've paid for it emotionally for years. We've had many, many happy times watching it grow, stop, stutter, grow.

I've never been the type of person that had a clear goal for when I grew up. I never said I want to be blah blah and stuck with it. Even now, I'm in school for a career change, but it's really just so I can make better money and work from home to be home for our children.....and be better able to take care of things since my husband's career is taking off even more now.

My husband, Khris, is really the only gifted person I've had the pleasure to watch grow. He's a writer. He has no fear in putting a voice and a pen to any topic. I appreciate that he investigates BEFORE he writes. And while it may not be popular opinions he's giving, they are respected. He has had his work on his blog, in newspapers, magazines, an online magazine and now the top at the moment is his new affiliation with Complex Mag.

I couldn't be more proud of him. It's so cool to know I married so well. He'd never see it the way I do. He's very humble and probably a bit shy. I imagine we'll still battle over his time being stretched and his focus on the job. He'll bend here and there. I'll pickup the slack with the kids and house. We'll meet in the middle. That's what we do. I've met, fallen in love and married the only person I had a chance to succeed with......I am lucky I am married to that guy.

Wanna check him out? www.doandroidsdance.com www.rockthedub.com LOL.....have fun. Tell him I said Hi!!!!! And get off that damn computer.....LOL

Mom's Day 2013

My son, Jayden, is 6 years old. He's definitely the child I've bonded with the most of my three kids. I've often wondered if it's because he's my only son, my last child or the child I had after I matured finally. Whatever the case, he has no idea the power he holds.....I hope not anyway.

He's definitely a cutie and a sweetie. He's eager and nosy and adventurous. He wants to learn and he wants to know everything.

Boy, can he irk a nerve!!!!

Today, he's outside playing with a little boy that lives next door. I'm watching him from the window and he has no idea how much I'm bursting with love. No idea that right now, I'm nearly in tears with a depth of love I don't even understand. It's all part of being a mom. My other two babies are 23 and 21. My girls. Tika is sweet and silly beyond recognition. lol. She's always in her own world but looks for crazy side of everything.

Speaking of crazy.....my daughter, Kali, is the challenging one. She's hardheaded, overly opinionated and won't listen to anyone. She's just like me. LOL. She's currently doing everything she can to show how independent she is.....unfortunately, it always backfires. She's a great person, but I don't think she sees how great she is.

My biggest wish for Mother's Day isn't a material gift......I actually don't have a wish. My children are healthy and doing their own thing in a world where that's not always an easy thing. I'm proud of who they are and my part in creating that. I'm also proud of who I am and their part in creating that, too.

Happy Mother's Day.

My Hair....Cut, Not Cut, Grow, Not Grow...AAAHHH

Every year right around my birthday I get into my "I must fix it" mode. My hair will be longer, in need of a trim, and constantly in a ponytail. Do I get it cut? Yes, it's so cute, it compliments my face so much better. No, it's too much daily work....no easy ponytail and I have to wash it daily. OK, I'll let it grow longer. Nope, it's being lazy and I'm older so I should keep it shorter like us older ladies are supposed to do.

See? I drive myself nuts. LOL.

Right now, I'm looking back thru old pics and realizing I do look better with the shorter hair. And the highlights. Part of that is just being lazy and cheap. I hate the maintenance. Time to suck it up and get it done.....the long hair is weighing me down. lol. And I don't need any other help with adding to my weight.

I think I'll be trying to do the highlights on my own this time. I can't see paying $100 for that crap.....and it looks nice, but not any nicer than I can do on my own at home. I just need to make sure I'm clearing a few minutes in the mornings to wash and blow it dry......damn I'm lazy. LOL.

The Trash

Why do people throw their garbage on the ground?

I'm tempted to not type anything else for this post. It completely pisses me off on a daily basis that I have to pick up trash from in front of my house. My household doesn't hang out in front of the house but there are always tons of potato chip bags, cigarette butts, blunt tips, hug juice containers, soda cans, etc out on the sidewalk. WTF!!!!!

The sad part is I know the people that do this and their houses already look like shit, so why are you not just keeping that garbage confined to your home? Why fuck up my stuff? Dirty bastards.

My kids know the rules.....if you are outside and have trash you have two options.....look for a trash can or stuff it in your pocket. That's it. Why is it so hard for people to know this is wrong? And I don't want to hear about any crap that it was the way you were raised, the type of neighborhood you're in, etc. That mentality is garbage and you know it. That's just laziness.

Philadelphia's Mayor Nutter had to make a concerted effort in their city to combat this situation. Why? Can you imagine having to spend tax money on telling people not to throw their trash on the ground? This is just one of the dumbest conversations to have with supposedly grown ass people.

Here's my message:

If you throw trash on the ground you are a fucking dirty, disgusting, nasty, excuse for a person with no real values and no thought of anyone but yourself. Pig!

Newton ~ The Parents

The shootings in Newton, CT began yesterday for the babies that were lost. I know we thing about the big moments those parents have lost out having with those children. But so many small moments already happened, and these make me cry. These babies were taken on a Friday. Imagine NOT waking up Saturday morning to cartoons and demands for cereal. Did they have plans to go to the museum that afternoon? Pizza that night? Movies after church on Sunday? Imagine seeing your child's bed time come up on the clock and knowing they weren't there to put to bed tonight?

You open a cabinet in the kitchen to make some tea. You are so stressed out from grief and just want a cup of tea. You open that door and see hot cocoa with the lil marshmallows that your baby wanted and begged for the last time you went to the store. You take out a mug and it's right next to the mug with Spongebob on it. You start to wonder when are you supposed to throw out that mug? Can you throw out that mug? Is it sick to keep it? How do I put any of their things in a trash bag and toss it onto a curb next to old leftovers?

These parents are going thru so much grief and tons of emotions I hope I never have to go thru.

Ann Curry of NBC is asking the world to do 20 Acts of Kindness in memory of these children. I've already seen people posting things on Facebook and Twitter telling of the things they are doing. I really wish Act #1 would have come from someone that knew of the shooter's situation and had called authorities. Then Ann Curry wouldn't have to ask people to do things they should already be doing.

Music - Is it really universal?

One of the lil bebe kids I wrote of yesterday just pissed me off for a whole 1/60 of a minute. I'm sitting on my porch listening to Klymaxx's I'd Still Say Yes with Howard Hewitt. It's one of my favs....it's just a good song. 'Lil Italy' comes up to me and asks what I am listening to, I say music and he says what kind of music. I said R&B music at the moment. He says why are you listening to that. I said because I like it, don't you like R&B music? He says yeah I like it but I didn't know you could. I said do you know it means Rhythm and Blues, not Rhythm and Black? He walked away. LMAO

I have always felt that music and art was the one area of the world that doesn't care a wit about what you look like. It doesn't care about gender, skin color, two arms or one head. It really doesn't even care if you notice it. It just needs to be. I love to listen almost any kind of music. It teaches me about more people and more experiences than those in my lil world. I get to hear others express what matters to them. I get to put myself into someone else's lil world.

It's just a great thing to not even do any of that. Just let your body flow with the music, let it rule your instincts into doing anything that comes next. Here's a few that do that for me.....

You and I by Jodeci
Amazed by Lonestar
TShirt and Panties by Adina Howard
Lately by Surface
Secret Garden by Quincy Jones
Weak by SWV

Too many to really name now that I think about it....

Bebe Kids

My block is full of Bebe's kids.....remember those? Little ass ignorant kids with fucked up manners and personalities that make you understand the need for abortion? Ugh, not saying I'd like to get rid of any of the brats on my block. For the most part they are nice kids. But 90% of them are only after what they can get out of each other. My son, Jayden, is one of the younger kids. But we are the only house with a pool and a Wii that he and his friends are allowed to play with....and did I mention I feed the kids when they are at my house?

These kids have decided that they only come over for those reasons and are content to use my son. I face this dilemma. Do I remove the kids from who he can play with or do I allow them to use my son so he has someone his own age to play with? Most of these kids are mostly nice, but if they are not on the Wii, playing with his toys, or in the pool they pretty much ignore him. I think the part that's the most fucked up is that I've discussed this with the other parents. It was no help at all.

These are the things that make me wish for the parental hand book I never got at birth. I could deal with many things, but watching kids mess over my son is not one of them. LOL, what can you expect from Bebe kids.....

The Mrs ~ Marriage Sex

Now the first thing I have to say about this topic is that the big myth that sex gets worse after marriage is a big myth itself. I don't think it gets bad, I think it's just not as frequent. My sex life with my husband has it's ups and downs in terms of frequency, not delivery. When we do have the time together, it's gotten better. He's gotten better. I hope I've gotten better.

How can something get worse when you're learning more and more about what pleases your partner? How can something get worse when you're learning more and more what NOT to do that annoys your partner. People like me tend to over worry about this topic. My husband and I have never had any issues with cheating or anything like that. We are completely dedicated to each other, to the point that other people ask us for advice on a regular basis. He is my best friend. He's actually the greatest friend I've ever had. We can hang out, we flirt, we lean on each other, we are the biggest cheerleaders for each other. We work on our relationship every day.....but we also have a bigger strong point than I see in some of our acquaintances. We don't argue over things because we talk. We hardly ever argue. We might really argue a couple of times in a year. But for the most part I think the fact that we keep an open dialogue all the time keeps it so we are not nervous in bringing up any topic. It's normal for us to talk about anything. We recognize each others' strengths and weaknesses. We each compensate for the other.

All this keeps us having a happy sex life. Lately, we've gotten a bit more creative in doing things.....it's actually been really eye opening. I think reading 50 Shades of Grey helped that along since it made me want to get outside the box I've created around myself. I'm more willing to push and try something different. I'm lucky to have him.....because he's willing to indulge me and create some more fantasies....LOL.

The Mother In Law Saga continues......

I'm quite sure I've annoyed my mil over the years, but it's mainly for doing the unthinkable thing of not being who she expects me to be.....black, rich and adoring her. I can't be black, I haven't been able to win that lottery yet and I know her too well to adore anything about her. But it does give me a pausing moment to really think about the dilemma my husband is in because of the two of us. Does he defend the woman who brought him life? Or does he defend the woman he chose to share that life with? Or does he sit on his hands and hope it goes away? lol.

Her ability to never discuss anything but surface stuff is a huge barrier to getting through any obstacles in her relationships with other people. I can actually step out of the situation and see that she has these issues with pretty much everyone. It's her fault and not her fault at the same time. She has an unhealthy relationship that she knows is not right, but she's stuck in the hopeful dream state of what could happen if or when. With that being said, she quite the woman in her own right but she doesn't seem to realize her own success. Sad, right? She would be mortified to know the pity I feel for her. Pity, not sympathy. Every situation is what you make it to be.

I wish her the best. I hope my husband figures out a way to let them get close and be more of a family. I'm not sure if she'll let it happen, but I want him to know that he did the best by his mother. Maybe someday she'll see him for the man he's made of himself. That's not something either of us did.....he did that and he deserves the credit for it alone.

The Waxing

I really wish I had the courage to post a picture of the mess I created, but I might run for president some day and I choose to not ruin that possibility. Well, it's summertime again so all the ladies know it's definitely pass time to tidy up the bikini area for swimsuits. Which method do you use? Shaving? Nare lotion? Or waxing? I've always used the shaving or the Nare methods in the past. But I decided since the waxing was suppose to last for 8 weeks, I'd give it a go.

At this point, I'm a non religious person praying that the pain doesn't last for the 8 weeks that the bare skin is supposed to last. UGH!

I bought the Sally Hanson Brazilian Bikini Wax Kit. Just under $12 at my local CVS in Trenton, NJ. I brought it home, prepared the area to be waxed. I put myself in warm water to soft the hair after having cut it to the proper length. Not shorter than 1/4 inch and no longer than 1/2 inch. I'm not saying it was perfect, I didn't think to put a tape measure down there and who in the hell can judge the exact hair length between their legs down to the quarter inch? Seriously?

I put the wax in the microwave, got it perfectly warm and spreadable as per the directions. I then applied it following the growth direction of the hair, it was actually rather pleasant. Nice and warm, smelled like lavender, it was great so far. I then applied the strip to the warm wax, made sure it was smooth.

Then I let er rip.

O.H. M.Y. G.O.D. - my non religious self began to pray in earnest for a merciful God that would convert me to believe enough in him to take away my pain. As my thoughts started to become rational once again, I realized that while the paper had my hair and wax on it, it also contained a bit of skin (not much). And while this was true, it was also true that my inner thigh still contained hair and wax. Now what? I took the exceptionally tiny bottle of fix it oil that comes in the box and used the entire bottle to get this wax off me.

All this time, did I mention I was in the bathtub doing this? While getting the wax off of my skin, I never noticed that it was dripping a bit into the tub. Can you guess what happened? I slipped and fell completely out of the tub, landing on the floor next to the bathroom door. I landed on my shoulder, neck and head. My shoulder did hurt enough to distract from the waxing taxing I put myself through. Although that only last a few minutes. Then the giggles started. I was watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss edition during this whole thing....she was getting skin removal surgery and I was holding my skin in my hand on the waxed paper. Ugh, life can be a big ole joke sometimes.

Even in pain and completely in giggles, I couldn't leave the other side untouched. I shaved it. Done, with no pain. I went to our bedroom, showed my hubby the damaged I had caused and told him about falling out of the tub. He was concerned. My giggles just got worse as the pain got worse. Then he noticed a huge purple bruise where the blood had been brought to the surface through sheer force from the waxing. LOL, I was a goner, even more giggles.

Pretty safe bet I giggled myself to sleep. My hubby is probably still shaking his head. LOL

The Greatest Love of All - Not Likely

This is probably going to sound completely inappropriate. Maybe it is, but it's my honest inappropriate opinion. I've always believed in the loyalty of parents toward their children. I believe that as a parent, I owe everything iota of my life toward helping my children understand and learn what they need and how to get it. That does NOT stop on their 18th birthday. It goes on until I die. I am always aware that whatever I am learning now about mortgages, debt consolidation, pedicures, ear wax build up, tax returns, etc is all information I should pass down to my babies.

I love them enough that this is a joy to do.

Most of the time.

But not lately.

I'm going to do the Kelly Ripa thing and call this child - She who shall not be named. Not because I might embarrass her, but because she is a huge embarrassment to me right now as a mom. Mom's have that thing where we always love you, but might not really like you sometimes. Well, right now I'm struggly to keep the love for her in my heart because she's doing so many hurtful things. And not just to me, but to the rest of the family, to her friends, and definitely to herself. I'm hoping that she gets herself straight without getting pregnant, jailed, or physically hurt.

It's all just details at this point, but I've finally had to take the advice of my husband and step back to let her fall. And I hate knowing that when she falls, she's gonna be paying for it for years. She has already done so much damage to our relationship with her, we seriously are ok with never seeing her as she leads the lifestyle she's got right now. The people she hangs with are as hideous as she. She's become so many nasty names that I'll choose to not publicize here. The hardest part for me is seeing her take this fall and knowing there will come a day that she will have to call or knock to ask for help....and my answer is going to be NO. It's the answer I have to give to keep teaching her those lessons.

It hurt me to watch her take her first steps and see her fall down and cry. But it's how you learn to walk for yourself. Walk, fall, cry, walk, fall, cry. She's walking the walk she's decided to take, so now she's gonna have to fall and cry on her own. I'll listen, I'll advise, but she's gonna have to pick herself up all over again.

She doesn't want to do right by me now, don't expect me to do right by you then.